PMQs 17th May 2011 Does Ken Clarke like rapists?

PRIME MINISTER

The Prime Minister was asked-

Edward Miliband (Doncaster North) (Lab): Following the Justice Secretary's comments earlier today: Do you like rapists?

The Prime Minister (Mr David Cameron): I have not heard the comments. However, I do not like rapists. I think they are nasty, evil, stinkers.

Edward Miliband: Do you think rape is bad?

The Prime Minister: I think rape is bad, very bad, I dislike rape a lot.

Edward Miliband: I think you should sack the Justice Secretary for liking rapists.

The Prime Minister: Rape is a heinous crime which I dislike a lot. We all agree rape is bad, don't we?
 
Dr Julian Lewis (New Forest East) (Con): I love submarine-launched nuclear weapons systems: do you?

The Prime Minister: I support Trident, unlike the awful Old Labour people opposite. They reek of socialism, they are awful dinosaurs. I wouldn't spit on the opposition if they were burning in a nuclear fire.

Corius Spit (Luton South) (Lab): Trident is never going to be used, can never be used and has never been used. It's a legacy of the cold war which ended 20 years ago. It's a God-awful waste of money! I don't support Trident: why do you?

The Prime Minister: I think nuclear weapons are great, if we get killed we can still kill the other lot thus assuring our mutual destruction. In fact I only wish I could use them on our own people, I'd nuke East London, the North and Scotland.

Conservative Benches : More! More!

Barry Levinson (East Wicke) (Lab): Your new best friend, Mark Britnell, hates the NHS, why is he your adviser?

The Prime Minister: I don't know this person and have never met him. I believe he was an adviser to the last government! Ha! Ha!

　

　

　

　

David Cameron: A Year in Office

One year ago David Cameron, self-professed middle-class old-Etonian public schoolboy millionaire and his entrepreneur wife, Samantha, was helped into office by the similarly-educated Nick Clegg, leader of the Liberal Democrats.

Here is some of what has happened since.

1. On his way to Buckingham Palace to meet the Queen, Cameron's Jaguar was papped by kids as he got stuck in rush-hour traffic.

2. He returned to Downing Street to a mixture of boos and cheers, with one woman giving him the thumbs down as he drove in. His first speech outside No. 10 was met by cat-calls and shouting.

3. On his first visit to America he appeared to have no understanding of the history of the 2nd World War by claiming that Britain was a junior partner to the U.S. in 1940. America didn't join the war until December 1941, after Pearl Harbor.

4. On his first visit to India Cameron criticised Pakistan and accused them of exporting terror, causing a diplomatic ruck.

5. As democratic uprisings erupted in Tunisia, Egypt and Bahrain Cameron accompanied a phalanx of British businessmen to the Middle East, promoting arms exports.

6. He and Foreign Secretary William Hague OK'd a US mission to rescue British charity worker Linda Norgrove, who was being held hostage in Afghanistan. She was killed by a grenade thrown by her rescuers. The media were initially led to believe she had been wearing a 'suicide-bomb-jacket' when she died.

7. Tory HQ at Millbank was trashed by protestors against the raising of tuition fees. The first in a series of fraught demonstrations. Cameron claimed fees of £9000 per year would only apply in exceptional circumstances. It would quickly become evident that, given the scale of University cuts, £9000 fees would be the norm.

8. The right-wing press ruthlessly targeted Lib Dem ministers in an effort to bring down the coalition.

9. Michael Gove announced the end of many school-building projects, reading from a hastily compiled list of schools whose funding would be removed that had been revised three times. It was clear the policy had not been carefully thought through.

10. Michael Gove expanded Labour's Academy programme to include high achieving schools. When asked what differences pupils would find at the new academies headteachers indicated 'not much'.

11. The economy ground to a halt as George Osborne imposed a swift programme of cuts and tax rises: a second recession appears to have been narrowly escaped. The coalition claimed the UK was on the verge of bankruptcy, a stance which has yet to be evidenced and appears to have knocked consumer confidence. Osborne later mysteriously found a spare £7bn to lend to Ireland.

12. The Armed Forces were cut savagely in a swift Strategic Defence Review, seemingly predicated on the idea that the UK would not be doing war for the next ten years. Cameron then immediately led a campaign to attack Colonel Gaddafi's forces who were brutally suppressing protests in Libya. Much of the miltary hardware assigned to the campaign was due to be taken out of service. RAF Tornadoes flew the longest mission since the Falklands in an effort to fire bunker-busting missiles at Gaddafi's compounds.

13. Mr. Cameron was reprimanded for consistently quoting false statistics in parliament.

14. The government was forced to curtail a sell-off of England's publicly-owned forests in the face of fierce cross-party opposition.

15. Andrew Lansley announced sweeping changes to the NHS which contradicted everything the Prime Minister had said during the election campaign. Cameron announced there would be a 'pause' in the process to 'listen and reflect' just prior to council elections in England.

16. The Prime Minister criticised a lack of applications for Royal Wedding street parties, blaming too much red tape. He perhaps forgot that the Criminal Justice Bill, introduced by the last Conservative government, effectively outlawed parties.

17. The Budget imposed savage cuts to council spending. Cameron's government then blamed the inevitable redundancies and closed services on mismanagement and inefficiency, even suggesting that the closure of libraries would be a survival of the fittest.

18. Made a speech in Munich (!) criticising multi-culturalism.

19. Made a speech prior to the local elections re-announcing his heavily compromised immigration policy. Journalists accused him of naked electioneering.

20. Mr. Cameron claimed that the Alternative Vote system would help the BNP. Oddly the BNP appeared to oppose the system. Cameron emphasised the need for winners in the first round of a contest to be elected, despite finishing second, to David Davis, in the first round of his own leadership poll.

21. In an ill-judged moment of temper he told Labour's Angela Eagle to 'Calm down dear' as he was barracked by Labour's front bench at Prime Minister's Questions.

22. The Conservative vote held up well in the English Council elections as the Liberal Democrats were punished heavily for entering the coalition. Cameron also won the AV referendum by a clear majority of 2:1 against. The Conservatives came a distant 2nd in the Welsh Assembly and were nowhere in Scotland.

Cameron v Miliband PMQs 11th May 2011

David Cameron is an average speech-maker and campaigner but he really comes to life in single combat, he likes to dominate and control interviews whilst occasionally flashing his jokey, human side. His personal speciality is Prime Minister's Questions, the weekly Westminster bloodsport.

He learnt his trade as adviser to a number of Tory leaders then let loose his talent on Tony Blair and Gordon Brown when he ascended to Leader of the Opposition. He was particularly successful against the monolithic Brown whom he teased, angered, embarrassed and humiliated with a sharp wit and pre-planned attacks, silencing the ranks of Labour MPs and encouraging the idea that Brown was a short-tempered bully. Brown victories in the chamber were rare and he was noted for injudicious statements that came back to bite him, such as his infamous 'bringing an end to boom and bust' just prior to the financial crisis. PMQs became Cameron's ground.

When Harriet Harman took temporary charge for Labour, Cameron was befuddled by her po-faced, analytical style. Perhaps he felt awkward facing a woman. He needed someone who would blunder into the traps he carefully prepared, not skilfully avoid them. Ed Miliband initially replicated this questioning style. The chamber fell quiet and again Cameron struggled to find an angle of attack. However he learnt quickly and went on the offensive with name-calling and triumphant domination of the agenda. Miliband became more emotive, to try and whip-up his own side, with mixed results. His performances being portrayed as poorly scripted, novice efforts by Cameron. Cameron scored well with Miliband also doing well at times. However this is the focus of the week for the opposition and only victories will do.

Miliband learnt from Tony Blair's performances in opposition, becoming more strident; confidently setting his agenda. Cameron attempted to emulate Thatcher and to an extent Prime Minister Blair by dismissing the opposition and belittling their politics. Both Blair and Thatcher had crushing majorities to back them up but Cameron only has sombre Lib Dems and uneasy backbenchers, unsure of his right-wing credentials.

Miliband has started to edge ahead. Ed Balls heckles the Prime Minister while George Osborne feeds Cameron lines, occasionally even delivering them himself! Nick Clegg tends to sit disinterestedly, occasionally solemnly nodding.

At yesterday's PMQs, 11th May 2011, Miliband completely trounced Cameron by focussing on the NHS reforms. Cameron had no answers and was portrayed as an out-of-date public school bully, Flashman, when he appeared het-up. Seeing Cameron struggle was a delight for Labour. Cameron turned to his backbenchers for support but found none: stunned silence. The first outright victory at PMQs for Labour, perhaps since Blair last led them.

A Brief Interview with the Prime Minister, Mr. David Cameron, as He Reaches One Year in Office

Peter Snootles: So Prime Minister, you've been in office for almost a year, what are your thoughts?

David Cameron: I like the power but I'm not so keen on being booed! We're just trying to implement the Thatcherite policies that everyone loved in the 80s but with a 21st century marketing strategy. I don't understand why people have a problem with that. In my world everything is black or white, right or wrong. There's none of that wishy-washy stuff like Tony Blair: in my view Thatcher was right and our policies are right.

Peter: In the election campaign you were quite ardent that the NHS would not be changed in any way under a Conservative administration. In government you have immediately set out plans to sell it off and break it up. Explain.

David: I recognise that the NHS is very important to people. Millions of people are employed by the NHS and we needed their votes to win an election. On the day of the election I immediately realised that my statements were misleading and could have been misconstrued: I apologise for that. The NHS needs radical reform if we're to lower taxes in the future. Andrew Lansley has been planning his changes for the last 13 years so it would be a shame to call him off now.

Peter: Nevertheless, you are reviewing the policy?

David: Yes, I'm saving the NHS from these despicable reforms.

Peter: Nothing to do with Nick Clegg?

David: No, the changes are mine, but they'll most likely be quite light and superficial: that's the way I roll!

Peter: So you are saving the NHS from your own reforms?

David: Yes.

Peter: In opposition you made great play of a perceived lack of support for the Armed Forces by Gordon Brown.

David: That's true.

Peter: Yet as soon as you gained power you made scything cuts to the Defence budget.

David: The Labour government wasted billions on defence and embarked on controversial wars that were hugely unpopular.

Peter: You supported the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and the Iraq conflict could not have proceeded without Conservative support in the House of Commons. You have now embarked on a war in Libya.

David: Our involvement in Libya is really a token gesture. I couldn't let Sarkozy take all the credit! We have committed a few planes, a couple of ships and a submarine. They'll all be sold off when they return home.

Peter: David Cameron, Prime Minister of Great Britain, thank you for joining me.