James Murdoch: Can we write tomorrow’s papers now?
Dreary Chairman: No, I’d like to press on, that will have to wait until the end.
James Murdoch: In that case at least allow us to provide the headline, Dad -
Rupert: Today is the most humble day of my life.
Tom Watson: Mr Murdoch, do you do bad stuff?
James: Can I answer that question?
TW: I’d like to hear your father’s answer.
Rupert: ................................... ......................................nope [Thumps Desk] ....
Tom Watson: Do you know anything about phone hacking at the News Of The World?
James: I might be able to provide a more detailed answer to that question.
Tom Watson: I’d like to hear Mr Murdoch’s answer.
Rupert: [Head Bowed] ....................................the News Of The World [thump]......................I don’t know anything about that [thump, thump, thump].........
James: I can provide all the detail if you would allow me...
Tom Watson: It is very revealing what your Father does and doesn’t know about his business.
James: The News Of The World is only 1% of our business. It is not an important part of our daily operations.
Tom Watson: Did you know that the News Of The World paid out huge sums to Gordon Taylor and Max Clifford in out-of-court settlements for phone hacking?
James Murdoch: We wouldn’t know anything about that. It’s nothing to do with us.
Tom Watson: Did you know that in a prior session this committee accused your executives of collective amnesia over phone hacking?
Rupert Murdoch: .............................I did not know that [smiles]..
Tom Watson: [smiling] Why are you smiling Mr Murdoch?
Rupert Murdoch: ....................When you say amnesia........you really mean lying.......
Bright Blazer Man: Hello Mr and Mr Murdoch. Who runs the News Of The World and who signs off large payments?
Rupert: .........................Les Hinton...............................he was in charge...
Scared Tory: Do you feel let down by those below you and who do you blame?
Rupert Murdoch: ...........I feel let down by them.........and by those below them who let them down...
Tough Scot: Do you regularly meet the Prime Minister?
Rupert: ... I have met him.... occasionally........Not as much as previous Prime Ministers....
Tough Scot: It is recorded that you met the PM at Downing Street, the day after the election, and that you entered by the back door. What was the purpose of this visit?
Rupert: ........I just dropped in........for tea............That was all..
Tough Scot: But you entered by the back door?
Rupert: ......yes.................that was their choice.....................I don’t know why...
Tough Scot: By the back door?
Rupert: ...Yes.
Tough Scot: So you entered by the back door.
Rupert: .....Yes...
Tough Scot: The back door.
Scared Tory: Do you regularly meet Prime Ministers?
Rupert: Yes, I was great mates with Gordon Brown. We went on holiday together, played backgammon, went down the pub, played darts, went shooting, ate foie gras, discussed economics. He was a great guy. I bought a bouncy castle for his kids, made fairy cakes with his wife........but we fell out.......I miss those times.....
Thérèse Coffey: Why did you close the News Of The World?
Rupert: ............We lost the trust of the readers.....
James Murdoch: The quantum of business was no longer optimal.
Rupert: My Dad exposed the farce of Gallipoli............ so no-one in the British establishment liked me........I’m a rebel............ an outsider............I won people’s hearts with tits, sex scandals and football.....................did I mention that the Sun has extended football coverage every Monday?
James: Everything I did I did because my lawyers and advisors told me to. I can provide written answers to all your questions.
Dreary Chairman: Now a final question from Louise Mensch.
Wendi Murdoch: Oh No!
A foam pie is pushed into Rupert’s face.
Dreary Chairman: We will adjourn for ten minutes.
Chairman: We’re very sorry for that assault.
Rupert: It’s OK.
Tom Watson: Mrs Murdoch has a mean left hook.
Louise Mensch: Mr Murdoch do you think you should resign over this affair?
Rupert: .........................Nope................
Chairman: Thank you very much for attending and, once again, sorry for the assault.
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