An Extract from Prime Minister's Questions 16th March 2011

House of Commons

Wednesday 16th March 2011

PRIME MINISTER

The Prime Minister was asked-

Edward Miliband (Doncaster North) (Lab): Why are you  f******-over poor people you big wazzock?

The Prime Minister (Mr David Cameron): You disgust me, you socialist, turncoat, backstabbing liar!

Edward Miliband: Answer the question, you slimy s***.

The Prime Minister: I have never hurt anyone but you consistently beat up homeless people when you were in power, and your dad is a f***wit.

Edward Miliband: I love the homeless and regularly feed them bread in my free evenings, of which I have many. Are you an arsewipe?

The Prime Minister: The honourable gentleman is a man of no reputation, has no friends, no talents, he deceives and lies; but worst of all he wastes rich people's money. What a socialist f***face.

Edward Miliband: When are you going to answer a question you pre-scripted, public school automaton?

The Prime Minister: I have smart clothes and friends who speak proper. I'm middle-class and so are all my mates. We use breadmakers and stuff like that so let's keep this civil, you dishonourable, communist dirtbag.

Edward Miliband: I'll take my red flag and stick it up your public school bottom. Your face looks like a giant pastry. I will eat your head for lunch then dismember your body and feed it to pigs.

The Prime Minister: No answers, no plans, no credibility. I like your brother more than you and so do all your friends. Goodbye.

David Brownnose (Buckingham South) (Con): I've heard the PM loves children and animals, but the leader of the opposition doesn't: is this true?

The Prime Minister: I do indeed like children, in a paternal way, but isn't it typical of the socialists opposite and their bitter twisted thinking, that they dislike children and animals so much.

Simon Socialconscience (East Riding) (Lab): Why is the Prime Minister closing a very important debt advice service in my constituency?

The Prime Minister: I'm very sorry to hear that it is closing but unfortunately your party leader spent all the money on pointless, wasteful mobile dinners for the elderly, so it has to close.

Celia Shufflebotham (North Norfolk) (Con): How long will these dreadful socialists keep moaning on about people earning money?

The Prime Minister: I support those who earn money but it is clear that the opposition do not. They say it all the time, "Ner, ner, ner, give me your money so I can spend it on hopeless, ballet-dancing wasters," etcetera.